So, it turns out it is possible to be "a little bit pregnant." And while it was so short lived and the fall was so hard, it was still so sweet to hear the words, "Congratulations. You are pregnant." I have never been pregnant. So after 2 years of peeing on sticks, taking my temperature, and being a pin cushion on a mission, it was a great 48 hours.
My sweet husband left me a celebratory card on my windshield while I was at work. I came home and we toasted in celebration with sparkling apple cider - a gift from a thoughtful friend. I will keep those things as mementos of what almost was.
And now we mourn what truly feels like a loss. We will never have the Halloween birthday parties that I was already planning. We won't be holding our baby through all the holidays this year. And we will have to continue down an incredible hard road to try to get pregnant again. More shots. More waiting. More dollars - thousands of them - flying out our door. More roller coaster rides of emotions.
I am trying not to bathe in bitterness. But it is no easy task. All around me people are celebrating babies and pregnancies, and I am trying to be happy for them. And I am. But, I am also jealous and confused. I am trying to trust in God's plan. I am trying to have faith that He has the babies that our meant to be ours out there for us. It is just so much easier said than done.
Elisabeth, you are seriously one of the women I want to be like the most. I've admired your ability to weather a storm since I first met you. I KNOW that you're destined to be an excellent mommy, and it will happen right when it's meant to, and your children will be some of the luckiest on the planet to have such amazing parents.
ReplyDeleteWow, Valerie, what a compliment. Thank you very much. I am just a girl with a dream taking it day by day.
ReplyDeleteThe above comment is so true. You and Sherman are 2 of the strongest, sweetest, most loving people I know. You WILL have your little family someday... when it is meant to be. God has a plan for us all, it just may not be the plan you had in mind. Someday you will have a little angel to hold in your arms.. and you will look back on all of this as a distant memory. I am so sorry you have to watch everyone around you having pregnancies and babies. It has to be so hard for you both. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain a little! Instead, I am here for you if you ever need anything... that will have to do for now! =) We love you guys so much!
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks Michelle. We love you guys too! Wished we lived closer...I miss seeing you more!
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