Could it be...another baby?

I will be 14 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I have been plagued with nearly 24-7 sickness for the last 2 months that has kept us in lockdown and yet I still sometimes am in disbelief that I am pregnant.

Many people (okay everyone and their brother) have asked lots of questions about this pregnancy so let me share....

We honestly were unsure what our family's future held. We were so full of joy and gratitude with Ronan's long awaited arrival that we thought we would feel complete and happy if he was our one and only. And in many ways I'm sure we would. In fact we talked about the advantages of one: more vacations, less financial strain, more flexibility to change our life course. But, we knew with each passing month of Ronan getting older a piece of us, a big piece of us, longed to have a bigger family. To have a sibling for Ronan. To experience that sweet, magical phase of bringing home a new life and living in complete awe of the depth of love one could feel in an instant.

We were open. Totally open since day 1 of Ronan's birth. No birth control. We weren't playing God anymore, and nor did we really want to...I started to take OPK's in the few months leading up to our pregnancy and "timing" things though I can tell you through years of experience our timing was always right without those things. I know my body ridiculously well after years of infertility.   We had planned to go back to see a fertility doctor in the New Year. We knew we wouldn't try IVF again but we were open to IUI and fertility meds. Heck, that seemed like a breeze after IVF.

Then one day in September I threw up. And was dizzy. And my sister said to take a test. And I immediately got annoyed. Because no matter how many people tell you that it will happen on your own once you've been pregnant, and no matter how much hope you believe you have in you, you STILL don't believe that it could ever  happen. So I took the test. All alone,  while Ronan napped, and Sherman worked. Because it was going to be negative.

Well, 2 pink lines appeared on that stick. 2 faint, but 2 very present lines. Well, I'll be. Did I shout? Did I shake? No. I sat in silence. In disbelief.  It was a strange moment. I didn't believe it. Honestly. I texted a picture to Sherman. No response. Waited. No response. I called. Turns out he didn't get it. Like didnt understand or believe it. He said, "Is it real?" Me: "Umm, yeah. I didn't fake it." Him:  "I didn't think we could do that." Me: "Either did I, but apparently we can."

And we walked around in shock for several more days. In some ways we are still shocked. Do not get me wrong we are full of excitement, in love with the idea of our little family growing, and grateful beyond measure. It just seems so unreal that after so much struggle we will have a family of four. We just never thought it was possible. Such a gift, a blessing.