You truly don't appreciate your mother, or any mother for that matter, at the same level until you have a child of your own. And I know everyone tells you that and you think you get it. But then you become a mother yourself and everything you know, everything you feel changes. And you get it. You know without any doubt that your mother loved and loves you no matter what, that she made any and every sacrifice with you in mind (and there were A LOT of those), and that she did all that she could to raise you the best way possible. That it was a struggle and a joy simultaneously. That is what you do as a mother.
In the past I have felt haunted by this holiday. And I do hate to admit that as I know how it sounds. Selfish perhaps? It is not that I have not celebrated the mothers in my life, for them I have always been thankful and I have passionately admired them. But, it was getting harder and harder with each passing year without being a mom myself.
So I was finally able to celebrate this day as a Mother myself! Sherman was out of town for the weekend for a bachelor party that was planned eons ago and while I had mourned this news for the last week it seemed almost a faint memory the day of. Of course I would have LOVED for him to be there to make me breakfast in bed, maybe let me sleep a few extra minutes, and wait on me hand and foot like I'd always pictured...but the day of I felt at peace with it.
I woke up feeling blessed gushing over my beautiful son when I picked up his little wriggly, smiling body from his crib at 6 am. I prayed and thanked God for him as I nursed him that morning. And I sent out a loving message to all the special ladies in my life who are mothers. I really felt like pure joy that morning as Ronan and I watched the sunrise together and I sipped my coffee.
I prepped the breakfast dish I was bringing to my sister's for brunch while I tried to put Ronan down for his first nap. I was determined that he get at least a little rest before the big commotion started. Well, despite all my best motherly efforts he resisted. And resisted. And resisted. I was trying not to burn the food, while trying to soothe my crying baby, and when was I supposed to shower and get beautiful for my big first Mother's Day? I will be honest I was frazzled, frustrated, and maybe even feeling a little sorry for myself. This is my first Mother's Day??
But, eventually Ronan slept and as he did the tension melted and I chuckled out loud. Literally out loud. Of course this is my first Mother's Day! This is what being a mother really is. And why there is a holiday for us. It is a nonstop, no breaks allowed, full time job that is exhausting, grueling, and most often without recognition. But the rewards. Oh the rewards.
No one else's simple smile will make you melt. Cry and giggle all at once. No one else's sweet hand on your face will make your faith renew in that very moment. And there is no one else in the world that you can just pass a simple glance to and your heart feels so full that you fear it might explode. No one but your child.
It was a beautiful Mother's Day. I did eventually make it to brunch (2 and a half hours late) where I sipped mimosas with my mom, sister, and nieces. And the day ended with a lovely Mexican dinner out with a good friend - complete with cervezas - during which Ronan slept the entire hour and a half...a perfect Mother's Day gift.
And speaking of gifts, look at the gorgeous handmade jewelry my husband made with Ronan's intials stamped in it. I tell you that man is so talented and so sentimental.
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